Tag life coach

“You get in life what you have the courage to ask for.”

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Reeta Sabhani is an extraordinary woman who made bold and unique choices and created her businesses from scratch, despite all odds, by sheer determination and an untiring work ethic. In the late 90s, she came up with the idea to start a gym. The odds were not in her favour as she’d never worked in the sector, had not taken a business course, and was a homemaker and a parent to young children who had just begun school. Despite a not-so-enabling environment at home and substantial challenges in establishing a work-life balance, she worked hard to become a successful entrepreneur. Today she not only runs a thriving fitness business but also empowers other women and men to transform themselves both physically and emotionally, regain their sense of self-worth to build confidence and resilience, and overcome the harmful mental models and social norms that hold them back. Do join me, as I talk to Reeta about her entrepreneurial journey and her resolve and determination to take the path less trodden.

Reeta, thank you for talking to me. Please tell me a little bit about your childhood and early years in Gujarat.

I belong to a place called Adipur Kutch in Gujarat. Adipur is a town in Gandhidham Municipal Corporation of Kutch District in the state of Gujarat. Adipur was initially founded as a refugee camp after the partition of India, in 1947, by the Government for the resettlement of Sindhi immigrants from Sindh, now in West Pakistan. It is close to Kandla port and between Kandla and Bhuj. It’s a small town, but had a cosmopolitan culture, with people who took up various trades and jobs. all service class people. My father was a customs officer working in Kandla Port and my mother was a housewife.

I was born there and lived in Adipur till I finished my graduation. I was the second of four children, all girls. My parents were hoping desperately for a boy and therefore did not give me much attention. I was submissive and always suppressed my emotions. I was always the one to mediate between my sisters even as a young girl. The atmosphere at home was traditional and we were never given enough attention.  My father felt lost in a family of only women. But if there was one thing I learned from them, it was to be independent and self-reliant. My father always said “Stand on your own feet and my mother  would say “Don’t depend on others.” I internalized these values as a child and it has been a principle that I have followed as an adult.

After graduation, where did life take you?

I wanted to do Bachelors in Business Administration, but my father did not want to me to go to Ahmedabad for the course. After my graduation, I knew I wanted to take up a job, but was confused. Career options in those days were limited, I could get into a bank or opt for a career in insurance. But I believed that I could do better. I wanted a career in Customs. However, my father fell ill and this dream remained unrealized. I appeared for the life insurance exam and got selected. I was the only one who got selected from my college. I was not the smartest but believed that I could do well. I was around 21 years old and was keen to leave home and experience life as an independent woman

 I was posted in Dhrangadra in Surendranagar District. It was a very small place. The Life insurance office had a policy of stationing two women together at each center to ensure that we had each other for company, security, and support.  It was about four hours by bus from my hometown. Being alone made me more responsible. I had to manage with the meagre salary, but I didn’t want to burden my parents. It was tough but I loved the feeling of independence. But it only lasted for a little over a year.

But there was also the pressure to get married and settle down. Did you get married at an early age?

At sixteen, I fell in love with a boy in my school. Both families accepted our relationship because we were from the same community. It was understood that we would get married once both of us finished our education and got a job.

In December 93, at the age of 22, I got married. I was apprehensive about getting married so early but I did not have a choice. My husband too had to take on the additional responsibility of being a husband too early. After he got a job, he was posted at another location. It was understood that I had to compromise and be with him at this new location. I did not quit my job but went on long leave without pay. After some time, I was transferred to Kutch and had to quit my job as I had my first child by then and became a homemaker.

Not being able to work must have been very difficult for you. But you found a way to cope with your frustration and anger, didn’t you?

I was very upset about quitting my job. I received little support at home from either my husband or in-laws. Staying at home had its negatives. I gained considerable weight. I felt that I had lost my sense of identity, I was a mere extension of my husband. I joined a computer class with Aptech but was not able to convert that into a job opportunity.

A new fitness center had opened near my house in Surat and I decided that I would join it to lose weight. I was very focused, motivated, and excited about joining the gym. It also gave me the opportunity to do something for myself and have some me-time in the process. I lost over 24 kgs. If I look back at my weight loss now, I am not sure it was very scientific. The trainer at the gym used to say “Eat less and exercise more.” That was how my fitness journey started.

I am a very determined person. If I need to achieve something, then I focus on my goal and ensure that I work towards it. Even on the days, I did not go to the gym, I would visualize that I was on the treadmill. The visualization gave me the power to begin my journey. I was the first member of the gym to lose so much weight, that my picture and story came in the newspaper. Their business picked up well and so it was a boost for me that I could contribute to their profits.

Your weight loss journey motivated you to think about a new profession. How did that idea germinate in your mind?

My weight loss gave me a new sense of self-confidence and optimism. I remember telling the owner of the gym where I exercised, that if I had the opportunity, I would open a gym of my own. I was determined to become an entrepreneur, even if it was a small venture.  My husband got transferred to Delhi. I was once again in a conundrum as to how I could leave my children and go to the gym.  But I did not let go of my dreams of starting a business. The Universe heard me and responded positively.

I researched fitness and put together a list of articles from newspapers.  I used to read articles by Leena Mogre, a fitness expert from Mumbai who wrote about health and exercise. I had no idea about the technicalities of fitness and was not familiar with the terms used. I was also a fan of Bharat Thakur’s articles and pictures and I had a book filled with his articles on wellness. I would read about lunges, squats, planks, etc., and familiarise myself with these exercises. I also did a three-month course in yoga at the Morarji Desai Centre for Yoga. I was very much a beginner and was eager to internalize as much knowledge as I could in the area of fitness.

How did you finally realize your dream of starting a business in fitness?

My husband got transferred to Mumbai in 2004. We were based in Jalvayu Vihar in Powai. It was a new town for me, but I was determined to start the business. In September 2005, I decided to take the plunge. I did not discuss it with anyone, even my husband. I created a flyer, got 500 copies printed, and contacted my newspaper agent so that he could deliver it with the newspaper to apartments in my location. I was so nervous. Even contacting the printer and the newspaper agent was stressful for me. I had never done anything like this before. I also went to the manager of the society manager and asked for permission to start a fitness class at home. They felt it would be very useful for the women in the community and permitted me to conduct yoga and fitness classes only for women.

To start with, only one woman enrolled in the class. I charged her Rs 500 for four weeks and she lost two kgs with the training I provided. Based on my research into fitness, I created several modules to tackle different parts of the body. I used a combination of various techniques, both yoga, and exercises to help people use weight. Wellness as a concept though had not caught on. I also gave a few nutrition tips.

But your journey as a successful entrepreneur had begun. How did you sustain it?

Soon the number grew to five members within two weeks and more. I began to conduct two batches. Despite all this, I made sure I was always there for my kids and did not neglect them. My timings were such that they suited both me and the women who came for fitness training.  I had various types of clients – doctors, air hostesses, homemakers, etc.

But as with any business, one has to face challenges. I was a tenant and some of the residents resented me for running a successful business. They complained to the manager, I was harassed and asked to pay 10 percent to the society because I was earning. Eventually, we had to stop running the classes from home.

We looked around for commercial property and found a suitable space in a community in Powai. I was able to obtain some financial resources and purchase the property with support from my husband. I purchased 500 square feet of space. It was only for women and was called Reeta’s Revive.  I started my venture on 21st July 2006. I intended to revive, rejuvenate and transform the lives of women both externally and from within.

Also, in those days, the fitness business was in its nascent stages. There was no gym around my area, Talwalkar’s ( the only well-known gym in Mumbai, at that time)  was a distance away. Healthcare professionals in the area recommended clients to me, as they could see results in people who came for training. I was able to earn a decent income. It was going very well.

Since then, the response was very good and the gym has grown in strength. I purchased equipment for the gym and we hired our first trainer. The trainer was an excellent resource and taught me a lot about the technical aspects of fitness. I also did more classes in yoga and was able to offer additional classes. There was an exponential increase in the number of clients we got. I also offered power yoga and gym. As part of my yoga training, I also learned and received study material on meditation.  I also started meditation classes, and many of my clients were very appreciative. One of them even told me, that it helped open up her chakras.

I also got into pranic healing to deal with my mood swings and this was a useful course and added value for the gym too. In 2014, we shifted to a larger space.

But despite your professional success, you were going through a lot of personal turmoil. How did you address the issue?

Despite running a very successful business, I had always felt very undervalued as a person. As a result of COVID, we had to temporarily close the gym and this meant a drastic drop in income. I was conducting yoga and fitness classes online and received support from my clients. During the lockdown, I felt that my opinions and perspectives were not being taken seriously. I tried to convey this to my husband, but I was not taken seriously. There was affection and love, but my role and contribution to the family were taken for granted. I was not being heard or respected, my thoughts and feelings did not matter. In addition, I was not able to set boundaries and I began to feel a sense of suffocation. I was taking on a lot of responsibilities for the extended family and there was no reciprocation in terms of gratitude or appreciation. Feeling valued in a relationship is healthy, and while you cannot expect your partner to meet your every need, it is reasonable to expect your partner to appreciate what you do for the relationship.

Most importantly, my identity as a successful entrepreneur was not recognized or appreciated. Running a fitness business is not easy, even more so for a woman. When I was asked questions about my business, my husband would attempt to answer for me, when it was I who deserved the opportunity to respond without constantly being disrupted and derailed.  It was rude, frustrating, and counterproductive for me.

With the home atmosphere not conducive, I began to get anxiety bouts. My husband and I went for couples counselling, but it did not work. My health was also suffering. I decided that I needed to take a break from this toxic atmosphere and told my husband that I would like to separate and needed some breathing space. I did not like the person I had become. My children were supportive and realized my need to examine our life together and resolve to make changes to the relationship or simply move on from it. I needed a ‘time-out.’

Personal changes in your life have only made you stronger and come back with a resolve to help people in their fitness and mental health journeys. What are the new changes that you have introduced in your work?

 My yoga, meditation, and spirituality classes are appreciated. I got into life coaching and it helped me focus on self-care and take certain appropriate actions to turn my life around. I am now a certified life coach and can help bring others to bring their life and goals back on track. I am now using the various therapies that helped me heal and hoping to support others. I hope to cut down my time at the gym and offer my clients alternative healing, therapy, and life transformation programs.  My new goal is to offer my clients a fitness and well-being umbrella program so they can discover new things about themselves and focus on their dreams, desires, and goals with a sense of purpose and acceptance.

A new tool that has helped me and is useful for my clients is the Ho’oponopono technique.  Ho’oponopono is an ancient Hawaiian spiritual practice that involves learning to heal all things by accepting “Total Responsibility” for everything that surrounds us – confession, repentance, and reconciliation. (https://www.compassionatelistening.org/). This technique has helped so many of my clients, it has opened new ways of thinking and channeling their thoughts and perspectives.

Personally, I have also greatly benefitted from a guide or a spiritual teacher who provides me with a sense of purpose and am a follower of the Oneness Movement, which has helped me address the challenges of life in a calm and collected manner.

I want to bring awareness among people that there is a lot of emotional trauma we hold within us, and we need to first acknowledge and accept that it exists. Once we do that, we can learn to develop a positive energy space that brings about healing, understanding, and connection within oneself and with others.  

Become the best version of yourself: A conversation with Chikky Sirish

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Chikky Sirish was a dreamer and believed in a magical world, as a child. But reality soon set in and Chikky was struggling to make sense of her life and the path she was meant to take.  Plato, the Greek philosopher once said “Reality is created by the mind, we can change our reality by changing our mind.” Chikky took ownership of her reality, sought help, and never looked back. Now, in her role as an empowerment coach and alternative healer, she offers support to others who are struggling to cope and helps them gain a fresh, informed perspective on problems and achieve long-lasting change. 

I once read somewhere, that “In the best conversations, you don’t even remember what you talked about, only how it felt.” Join me as I talk to Chikky about what it takes to become the best version of yourself. 

Thank you, Chikky for agreeing to feature on my blog. I would like you to tell me a little bit about yourself as a person and what got you started on this journey of self-discovery and helping others find themselves?

 I was always a dreamer even as a child. I remember staying in this house which had a long driveway from the gate to the house. It was a long walk, at least in those days with those tiny legs. As I walked, I would feel like I was in a magical land, like Alice in Wonderland. I would stop and give my attention to everything on the path. I also used that time, very effectively to, finish off the items in my Tiffin box, and feed them to the birds and squirrels I would encounter during that walk. That walk was meaningful in more ways than one. I grew up in the company of so many loving people, both family, and extended family members. I remember the elders in the family telling the entire clan so many stories. Though I can’t remember them now, (for the longest time in my life I could), those stories carried so much meaning and memories and meant so much to me. Both nature and the culture that were such an inherent part of my childhood stayed with me, even though I was young.

 Another chapter in my life was growing up in Dubai. I was very disconnected from nature there, but even then, I remember, going out and digging in the sand with my brother, looking for secrets and magic. We found an iron rod once and I convinced him that t it was the way to another realm (laughs…). So, even as a child, I was always a dreamer and a seeker. 

 Oh, that’s such a lovely way of defining yourself. Your formative years were in Dubai and Chennai and later you moved to Kuwait. How did the shift impact you?

 My schooling was mostly in Dubai. I moved back to India when I was in high school. It was a huge readjustment because as a teenage child, you don’t want to be uprooted from your friends. But one moves, not out of choice mostly, but because of necessity. So, at every point, there is a readjustment that needs to be made. I retreated into myself, which is still my favourite thing to do. I would sit by the window and stare out of the classroom. I went to Stella Maris in Chennai for my Undergrad and and also did an MBA in marketing. That was a real, real big surprise to everybody who viewed me as being the dreamer that I am. But I guess, like everyone else, I just wanted to conform and these degrees also ensured that I got a good job. I worked in Chennai for a very short time, and then got married and moved to Kuwait. 

I continued to work in Kuwait in merchandising. Before long I had my children. It was after my second son was born that I stopped working because I wanted to spend more time with the children. My mother was a working woman and I always wished she had been at home when I came back from school. So that made me want to be there for my kids.  But very soon, doubts started to settle in. I wanted to be seen as an individual and not just as a wife and a mother. Even now, I see a lot of young mothers going through this. 

On your website, it says that you began your quest by becoming the best version of yourself. How did that process begin? 

To become the best or to rise to a particular level, you first have to fall. You have to break yourself up into a lot of pieces to build yourself up again. And that’s exactly what happened to me. For no particular or no obvious reason, I started going through this little spiral. After my first child was born, I went into postpartum depression. Especially at that time in the 90s, nobody knew the term, especially the Indian community. Why would one be depressed when they have just given birth to a child? It should be just the opposite. I was confused. I was feeling very unsure and unloved. I couldn’t figure out what a mother is supposed to feel. 

Almost 10 years later when I was about 38 years old, I started feeling this downward spiral again. I had no reason to complain, everything was going well for me and my family. But I started feeling less and less worthy After six months of fatigue and reluctance to get out of bed in the morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and asked, who is this person and what happened to you? I was like an empty shell, imploding inwards. I wanted to blame everyone else except myself. But I realized that I had to take ownership of the problem. I began to do some research on alternative healing techniques.

When you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen. So, around the same time, when I was looking at various options, a friend of mine in Dubai had just finished her training in empowerment coaching. She was very excited about it and messaged me saying “It’s fantastic. I think you should do it.” Initially, I was reluctant but finally decided to seek her help. She spent about four hours coaching me, but I came back home a changed person. Something had shifted in me and it was a beginning. She supported me through the whole healing and self-discovery process. For the first time, I had some clarity about who I was. There were many moments of doubt and uncertainty, but I had support and I began to feel better. I began to take on some work and started an interior design project.

But you still didn’t feel complete, did you? 

 I was a much happier person, but something didn’t feel complete. What more did I need to do, was my question to myself? And the answer came to me “Aha, I need to learn this technique and be able to offer this to others in need. Look how far I’ve come in such a short time. “ So, I went from Kuwait to Dubai and did a course on empowerment coaching and that’s where my journey began.

As women, we tend to give a lot. It is in our human nature, in our DNA to, constantly give and nurture and care for. At some point, we give so much away that there’s nothing left for ourselves. I think that we hinge a lot of our self-worth on the people around us, especially our partner. My training as a coach made me realize that nobody can make me feel good or better or feel worthy or feel loved, except myself. 

In your journey as an alternative healer, Chikky, you started with a course on empowerment coaching, but you also specialized in other forms of therapy. Tell us a little more about the various modalities you use to heal people and how do these processes help people or benefit them? 

 We all have to start somewhere and my journey started with coaching, simply because I experienced it myself. Healing is a combination of many things and so my training combined spirituality, hypnotherapy, and Neuro-Linguistic programming. (NLP is a psychological approach that involves analysing strategies used by successful individuals and applying them to reach a personal goal.). When I started coaching, I loved it, but very quickly, I was hungry for more. In 2017, I ventured into sound healing. Sound is related to energy which is all around us but unseen. As I told you earlier, even as a young child, I was intrigued by the idea of magic. I think the magic that intrigued me so much as a child translates into healing energy. The idea that someone could be healed without words was intriguing to me. Sound vibrations can do wonders for individuals who need healing. For example, it helps people with anxiety and insomnia. I went to Nepal to do a course under Master Shree, a 3rd Generation Tibetan Bowl Healer. And since I love music and dancing, it was a natural progression that I bring movement into it. Movement Flow Therapy (both on land and in water) helps release inhibitions and endorphins are released. I have also trained in art therapy which is a form of release and expression without words. 

I like to integrate all of these things or offer them in isolation depending on the needs and requirements of people and offer a unique tailor-made package for an individual when they come in. I sometimes do group sessions to create awareness about the different modalities and how they can help individuals with unique needs. It is an introduction to therapies that they’ve never tried before without having to make that big commitment to a one-on-one session. 

 There was a shift in you from being the person who was a receiver of therapy to someone who is now trained in healing and offering this service to others. Could you tell me a little bit about that process? How did you make that transformation successful? 

That’s a lovely question. I think the first thing that helped me go forward is that we are all storytellers and we learn through stories. But nowadays, we no longer are part of extended families or sit with our family members and our peers and share stories. We have become isolated as individuals. We must share our stories and experiences that are so individual and unique to us, with our children and with friends and family. We are all empowerment coaches in a way, giving them some bit of advice from our learning. 

Before my journey as a coach, there were moments of doubt and insecurity about labelling myself as a coach and healer. But then I remembered something that my teacher had said, about me being what that person needs for this moment and in their life journey. I am that little piece of the puzzle, that gives my clients the courage and the confidence to take that first step. That gives me the impetus to help others. My first client was a 17-year-old boy who had severe anxiety about taking his driver’s license test in the UK. I did a two-hour session with him. He wrote me a letter and I remember the words even now. He thanked me for helping him out and said that though he did not pass the test, he could handle the disappointment with much more confidence than before. He also mentioned how it helped him change as a person and his relationship with his family. 

 To me, that encapsulated, the difference that I could make. It was not just about helping him overcome his anxiety, but about being present and holding space for another human being. 

You talked about dancing and music and sound therapy. So, tell me a little bit about your forays into pole and ballroom dancing.

Dancing is mind over matter and getting over our inhibitions and images we have about ourselves. For the longest time, I’ve been in love with dancing and music and I even did a few ads in my youth. But I put it aside as a mother. I started with Bharatnatyam in Dubai and then I got into ballet when I was a teenager and then Jazz. But as a young wife and mother, I had to park Chikky the dancer and ignore the real me. But I started dancing, once I discovered myself, and permitted me to be who I am. The human body, even though it is flawed, is something one owns and it is fascinating what one can do with it, whether it is yoga or dance.

Pole dancing for me, was a bit rebellious, and it was breaking convention. A 48-year-old mother learning pole dancing was unconventional, but I loved doing it. Also, it was a question of mind over body and I had to prove to myself that I could do it. Also, with pole dancing, it was just me. I did not need a partner; it was that simple. It was very challenging. After my first class, I laughed and asked myself, “Are you kidding?’ But I stuck with it. I was very slow and did it at my own pace. But it gave me this learning, that life need not be a competition, and that I am learning pole for myself, not others. I got better at it and even conquered my fear of inversion on the pole. 

Ballroom dancing is a very expensive hobby. But it gives me a thrill dancing with a partner. My partner and I were on a massive stage during the competition, being judged and competing with other couples. When you get on the stage for the first time, you freeze and you forget your steps, until you regain control of your mind and breathe again. It is a beautiful experience of mind over matter. It was very motivating to dance on the floor and wear those exotic outfits and to let that side of your personality out. There is so much hard work behind it, and anger and frustration as you push yourself.

What are your plans for the future?

I haven’t given it much thought. I want to open a Centre, where people can come and spend time. Since I moved to Dubai, I have had friends and clients come and stay with me. We spent two or three days together, and it made a big difference in their healing journey. If they are going through very painful experiences, I think it is important sometimes to disconnect from everything familiar. When you go to a therapist, a counsellor, or an ayurvedic treatment, it’s very clinical. As a healer, I bring something different to the table. I would like my clients to stay in-house with me and allow me to share the energy that I bring into the process and heal during that time. That is something that I would like to do in the future.

I am very passionate about working with women, especially young mothers who feel unworthy. I want to help them make that shift and point them in the right direction. Also, every time I go to Chennai, I visit my college and have a chat with the young women there. I wish I had some of the tools that I have now, as a young girl. It could have made a lot of difference, if I knew then, what I know now. I don’t have any regrets, but if I did have the opportunities and choices before me, I may have chosen an alternative path. I love to be that conduit to talk to young people to enable them to explore and create awareness about choice and decision making.

What would be your advice to a person, floundering in the dark, not sure about their choices, and hesitant to seek help? What is the first step they need to take?

The first thing they need to understand is that everything happens for a reason. You come to a point, where you are feeling overwhelmed and unhappy, it is time to press on the brakes and ask yourself why this is happening. We upgrade our gadgets and household equipment all the time and yet we are hesitant about upgrading ourselves. What I mean by the upgrade is, asking yourself the right questions about anxiety, confusion, and conflict and getting different answers that help you move forward and get out of a rut. Asking for help is not a vulnerability, but is in fact strength. We want to be the best versions of ourselves and we should not stop ourselves from doing that. It is never too late to change for the better.