Chandralekha Mahalingam’s ring tone plays the song “Chinna Chinna Aasai, Siragadikum Aasai, Muthu Muthu Aasai, Mudinthuvaitha Aasai (small desires, desires with wings, pearl like desires, desires that have been carefully stored away)” which reflects what she most wants out of life. I remember reading a quote that said ‘Desires must be simple and definite. They defeat their own purpose should they be too many, too confusing, or beyond a man’s training to accomplish”. Chandralekha has understood this very early in her life and is seeking her goals, one small desire at a time. These are simple small desires of being surrounded by family, seeing her children do well, and having a good life with her husband.

 There is a quiet determination to her that has seen her through many challenges in life. Her family, both immediate and extended, is her strength, and they have enabled her to make empowered decisions for herself and her children. When mothers believe in their children, it is a powerful thing. It is especially touching and inspiring to witness Chandralekha’s belief in her children and their ability to empower themselves through education. Her vision for her children has also transformed her from a timid and under confident woman to a bold woman with conviction and sense of self-worth.

Chandralekha, your childhood to a large extent, shaped your thinking and way of life.  As a child, you had to shoulder several responsibilities. Tell us about them.

I was born in 1980 in a village in Vizhupuram District in Tamil Nadu, but later moved to Vizhuparam town, where my father built a home.  My father worked with the Electricity Board, where he started as a helper and retired as a foreman. As a young child of ten, I saw my mother mostly sick due to a tumour in her uterus. I had to, even at the age of ten, take responsibility for the cooking, pack lunch for my siblings and wash clothes. My mother passed away when I turned fifteen.  I had just written my Class X Board exams. I had to stop my studies then, as I was forced to take on the responsibility of looking after my home and be there for my younger sister who fell very sick after my mother died. I would have loved to continue my studies. Many of my classmates from school are degree holders. I still feel terrible about not being able to go to college.

You mentioned that were able to do many things because of your husband whom you describe as wonderful and supportive.

Ours was an arranged marriage. My husband, Mahalingam is distantly related to me. He came over to our home to invite us for his brother’s wedding. It was love at first sight for him and he wanted to marry me. He was 24 years old and I was seventeen. He was working as a truck driver. Both our families were comfortable with the match, as they knew each other well. More importantly, the horoscopes matched. We got married in July 98. But I spent the better part of the first year with my family as my siblings, especially my sisters needed me. It was my husband who encouraged me to do this.   He did not want to uproot me and take me away from a comfortable life in Vizhupuram. After a year or so, I moved to his family home near Tiruvannamalai.

 It was difficult for me initially as I had to move from a town to a village. The house I was living in had no electricity. I was used to cooking with gas, but now I had to cook meals for a large extended family on a wood stove with firewood for fuel. The food I prepared was also different and we would often have rice gruel and porridge, which I had never eaten in Vizhupuram. We were surrounded by fields and snakes; scorpions and centipedes were aplenty. At night I would light lamps around our bed, before I went to sleep. But the love I received from my husband’s family made it easy for me to adjust. My mother-in-law is a very supportive and wonderful person. My son was born in 2000 and my daughter in 2003. My husband wanted our children to be educated in a city and we moved to Bangalore, as he found employment there.

Bangalore must have been a big change for you. What were your initial experiences like?

It was a change for me as we were moving away from our joint family and the village, we were living in. From a fairly large village home surrounded by fields, we moved into a cramped one room home in Jay Bharat Nagar in Bangalore. I wasn’t awe struck by Bangalore, I had lived in Vizhupuram, which was a fairly modern town. Only Brigade Road and MG Road impressed me. Not knowing Kannada was a but difficult, but there were many people who spoke Tamil.

My husband started working in a grocery store. He had quit truck driving as it was a physically laborious and stressful occupation which required him to put in long hours of work. Besides it kept him away from us, as he was on the road most of the time. But his salary at the grocery store was very low. We were in a quandary as to how we would manage on such a low salary. We had put our son in a private English medium school and had to pay a fair amount of fees. Our rent was also fairly high. It was at that point that I decided that I would start working.

Your decision to work changed you as a person, didn’t it?

I was a shy and insecure person. My exposure to the world was very limited. I would cry at the drop of a hat and would get embarrassed easily. I was too afraid to voice my opinion on anything. But circumstances forced me to take up a job. We had moved to Bangalore against my father’s wishes and I was hesitant to ask him for a loan. I didn’t want him to criticize my husband or me. My husband’s aunt was a housekeeper in an apartment. I asked her to help me find a job. She found me a job with a lady from Kerala. My job was to help her in the kitchen and carry out a few other chores. My first salary was Rs 500 per month.

I initially did not let my husband know that I was looking for a job. When I finally mentioned it to him, he was hesitant at first and not too happy about my decision. He felt that as the man of the house, it was his responsibility to take care of me and the children. He was also concerned that I wouldn’t be able to handle a job in a city. But he understood my need to contribute to the family income and was supportive of my efforts.

The Chechi (elder sister) who hired me was a wonderful woman. When I first met her, she sensed my nervousness and lack of experience and gave me a big hug and reassured me. I can’t tell you, how much that hug meant to me. It gave me a shot of confidence and self-worth.  I was so scared to venture out to the shops to buy items. I was afraid that I would get lost. She would stand by the window, and would call out reassuringly to me and would wait there till I got back. Her affection and support gave me so much of confidence and courage. She taught me to cook dishes that were very different from the home cooking that I knew. I learned to cook Kerala cuisine and learned dishes such as fish curry, cutlet, Biryani, Avial etc. She even taught me how to cut vegetables and grind various types of masalas. After about a year they moved abroad and I started working in other homes as a cook. My husband got a better paying job as a car driver. Our fortunes improved and we were able to move to a slightly larger home.

Besides working as a cook, Chandralekha, you also became an entrepreneur?

I started working in several homes as a cook. Each family taught me something new. I have a very good memory, once I’m told a recipe, I retain it in my mind. I learned a lot of new dishes from various cuisines.  I was taught about using the right measure of ingredients for a dish. I learned several western dishes including bakes and French toast. I learned how to operate equipment such as ovens, microwaves and dishwashers. One of my employers also gave me tips on financial literacy and saving. I began to be more careful with my money and put aside money for education for my children. I learned North Indian dishes Aloo and Methi paratha, Kadhi and various types of Dals from a Punjabi family. To date many of my clients who used to buy food from me love my roti, dal and subzi. I also learned to cook several meat dishes. By then, I had picked up a smattering of English and was able to find a job with an Australian family. Thy were wonderfully patient with me and taught me so much. They taught me how to make salads, bakes, meat dishes in the western style, pasta, spaghetti, white and red sauce, various types soups, salads and dressing. They also taught me various techniques like smoking, steaming, baking, basting, marinating etc.

Some of my employers encouraged me to start catering. One of them helped me advertise my services on Facebook and I got a lot of orders. Several people started ordering lunch and dinner from me on a regular basis. I had at least ten customers who were ordering on a regular basis. Some of my customers asked me if I would take party orders. We started small, but then I partnered with my sister and began to cater for large parties. I was able to cater for up to 40 to 50 guests.  We were able to prepare Chinese, Italian, North and South Indian dishes. I would surf the net with my children’s help to find various new recipes. We also participated in exhibitions and melas and served snacks such a Pav Bhaji, Vadapav, Bhajji, Kuzhipanniyaram, chaat, sandwich, samosa etc. We did very well and one of our clients introduced us.  My sister and her husband worked with me. I would get around 500 Rs per day and would make an additional Rs 10,000 from parties only. At one point I was able to earn Rs 40 to 50,000 as both a cook and an entrepreneur.

That’s amazing. Did this successful run continue?

I had an accident in 2017. I slipped and fell into a drain and hurt my knee very badly. I had to go through surgery and physiotherapy and for eight months I couldn’t walk. It took me almost a year to get back to work. But most of employers waited for me and some of them continued to pay me a salary. A few months later my husband fell ill. He had HIN1, and was suffering from chronic pain in his joints. He was diagnosed with appendicitis, operated upon and during this period was also diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis.  We were very upset. These were new words for us. But my family and our employers were very supportive during this trying period. He is doing much better now and is back at his job. I was diagnosed as COVID positive last year and that also made it very difficult for both of us to be as active as we were before. I am continuing to work as a cook in a few homes but have not resumed catering. It is a very physically demanding and stressful job and neither my husband nor I have the energy to venture into this for now.

You have always been a positive person and attribute your success and efforts to the support you have received from others. Why do you say that?

I absolutely owe both my attitude and success in my efforts to others. Even as a child, I was fortunate that so many people came forward to help us when my mother was ill and then passed away. My aunt (father’s sister) practically moved into our house and was a caregiver for my mother and a friend of my father was very fond of me and would walk me to school every single day. Our families have provided immense support to both of us. They may not have lent us money but they have always been there when we needed them. Our home in Bangalore, has been an open home, our siblings and extended family have stayed with us while they looked for a job. We always welcomed them into our fold and shared with them what we had. They have reciprocated by showering us with love and affection and always being there for us. If I was busy and my children needed to be picked up from school, one of my brothers in law would be there to offer their services. Similarly, my sister and I ran a business together. The delivery of food items was taken care of by my husband or brother-in-law. They would do this additional work after they came home from their regular jobs. My neighbours have been wonderful and offered immense support especially, when we first moved into Bangalore. A neighbour of mine would accompany me to school and serve as an intermediary between me and the teacher since I spoke neither English nor Kannada in the early days.

My employers went out of the way to accommodate me and my needs. They provided tuition and academic support to my children and last year one of them paid the fees for my son, because we were in a difficult financial situation. More importantly there were always there to provide emotional support and guidance when we needed it.  I can never forget any of them and value their help immensely. I believe that if we see goodness in people, then they see the same and reciprocate with love and affection.

Your desires are simple and sweet. What is it that you now most desire from life?

We are working hard even now for the sake of our children. We want them to have a much better life than we have and not work physically hard like my husband and me. We moved to a city only for the sake of our children. My husband and I did not want the children to struggle like we did. They must be able to stand on their own legs and have a happy successful life with no financial worries or burdens. My son is 22 and has now finished his degree in Business Administration. My daughter has started her degree program in Commerce. We have struggled a lot to give them a good education. We have put them in good colleges and somehow have mustered up the funds to pay for their fees. My son wants to do his MBA, but we have asked him to take up a job for now and try and do his MBA in parallel, as we are in a financially difficult situation. Last year I was forced to ask a few of my employers for money and they very generously offered to support my children’s education. I didn’t want to but had no choice. It means a lot to us that my son is a graduate and my daughter is in college. We have no expectations from our children. We want them to be happy and financially comfortable and stand on their own feet.