Chikky Sirish was a dreamer and believed in a magical world, as a child. But reality soon set in and Chikky was struggling to make sense of her life and the path she was meant to take.  Plato, the Greek philosopher once said “Reality is created by the mind, we can change our reality by changing our mind.” Chikky took ownership of her reality, sought help, and never looked back. Now, in her role as an empowerment coach and alternative healer, she offers support to others who are struggling to cope and helps them gain a fresh, informed perspective on problems and achieve long-lasting change. 

I once read somewhere, that “In the best conversations, you don’t even remember what you talked about, only how it felt.” Join me as I talk to Chikky about what it takes to become the best version of yourself. 

Thank you, Chikky for agreeing to feature on my blog. I would like you to tell me a little bit about yourself as a person and what got you started on this journey of self-discovery and helping others find themselves?

 I was always a dreamer even as a child. I remember staying in this house which had a long driveway from the gate to the house. It was a long walk, at least in those days with those tiny legs. As I walked, I would feel like I was in a magical land, like Alice in Wonderland. I would stop and give my attention to everything on the path. I also used that time, very effectively to, finish off the items in my Tiffin box, and feed them to the birds and squirrels I would encounter during that walk. That walk was meaningful in more ways than one. I grew up in the company of so many loving people, both family, and extended family members. I remember the elders in the family telling the entire clan so many stories. Though I can’t remember them now, (for the longest time in my life I could), those stories carried so much meaning and memories and meant so much to me. Both nature and the culture that were such an inherent part of my childhood stayed with me, even though I was young.

 Another chapter in my life was growing up in Dubai. I was very disconnected from nature there, but even then, I remember, going out and digging in the sand with my brother, looking for secrets and magic. We found an iron rod once and I convinced him that t it was the way to another realm (laughs…). So, even as a child, I was always a dreamer and a seeker. 

 Oh, that’s such a lovely way of defining yourself. Your formative years were in Dubai and Chennai and later you moved to Kuwait. How did the shift impact you?

 My schooling was mostly in Dubai. I moved back to India when I was in high school. It was a huge readjustment because as a teenage child, you don’t want to be uprooted from your friends. But one moves, not out of choice mostly, but because of necessity. So, at every point, there is a readjustment that needs to be made. I retreated into myself, which is still my favourite thing to do. I would sit by the window and stare out of the classroom. I went to Stella Maris in Chennai for my Undergrad and and also did an MBA in marketing. That was a real, real big surprise to everybody who viewed me as being the dreamer that I am. But I guess, like everyone else, I just wanted to conform and these degrees also ensured that I got a good job. I worked in Chennai for a very short time, and then got married and moved to Kuwait. 

I continued to work in Kuwait in merchandising. Before long I had my children. It was after my second son was born that I stopped working because I wanted to spend more time with the children. My mother was a working woman and I always wished she had been at home when I came back from school. So that made me want to be there for my kids.  But very soon, doubts started to settle in. I wanted to be seen as an individual and not just as a wife and a mother. Even now, I see a lot of young mothers going through this. 

On your website, it says that you began your quest by becoming the best version of yourself. How did that process begin? 

To become the best or to rise to a particular level, you first have to fall. You have to break yourself up into a lot of pieces to build yourself up again. And that’s exactly what happened to me. For no particular or no obvious reason, I started going through this little spiral. After my first child was born, I went into postpartum depression. Especially at that time in the 90s, nobody knew the term, especially the Indian community. Why would one be depressed when they have just given birth to a child? It should be just the opposite. I was confused. I was feeling very unsure and unloved. I couldn’t figure out what a mother is supposed to feel. 

Almost 10 years later when I was about 38 years old, I started feeling this downward spiral again. I had no reason to complain, everything was going well for me and my family. But I started feeling less and less worthy After six months of fatigue and reluctance to get out of bed in the morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and asked, who is this person and what happened to you? I was like an empty shell, imploding inwards. I wanted to blame everyone else except myself. But I realized that I had to take ownership of the problem. I began to do some research on alternative healing techniques.

When you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen. So, around the same time, when I was looking at various options, a friend of mine in Dubai had just finished her training in empowerment coaching. She was very excited about it and messaged me saying “It’s fantastic. I think you should do it.” Initially, I was reluctant but finally decided to seek her help. She spent about four hours coaching me, but I came back home a changed person. Something had shifted in me and it was a beginning. She supported me through the whole healing and self-discovery process. For the first time, I had some clarity about who I was. There were many moments of doubt and uncertainty, but I had support and I began to feel better. I began to take on some work and started an interior design project.

But you still didn’t feel complete, did you? 

 I was a much happier person, but something didn’t feel complete. What more did I need to do, was my question to myself? And the answer came to me “Aha, I need to learn this technique and be able to offer this to others in need. Look how far I’ve come in such a short time. “ So, I went from Kuwait to Dubai and did a course on empowerment coaching and that’s where my journey began.

As women, we tend to give a lot. It is in our human nature, in our DNA to, constantly give and nurture and care for. At some point, we give so much away that there’s nothing left for ourselves. I think that we hinge a lot of our self-worth on the people around us, especially our partner. My training as a coach made me realize that nobody can make me feel good or better or feel worthy or feel loved, except myself. 

In your journey as an alternative healer, Chikky, you started with a course on empowerment coaching, but you also specialized in other forms of therapy. Tell us a little more about the various modalities you use to heal people and how do these processes help people or benefit them? 

 We all have to start somewhere and my journey started with coaching, simply because I experienced it myself. Healing is a combination of many things and so my training combined spirituality, hypnotherapy, and Neuro-Linguistic programming. (NLP is a psychological approach that involves analysing strategies used by successful individuals and applying them to reach a personal goal.). When I started coaching, I loved it, but very quickly, I was hungry for more. In 2017, I ventured into sound healing. Sound is related to energy which is all around us but unseen. As I told you earlier, even as a young child, I was intrigued by the idea of magic. I think the magic that intrigued me so much as a child translates into healing energy. The idea that someone could be healed without words was intriguing to me. Sound vibrations can do wonders for individuals who need healing. For example, it helps people with anxiety and insomnia. I went to Nepal to do a course under Master Shree, a 3rd Generation Tibetan Bowl Healer. And since I love music and dancing, it was a natural progression that I bring movement into it. Movement Flow Therapy (both on land and in water) helps release inhibitions and endorphins are released. I have also trained in art therapy which is a form of release and expression without words. 

I like to integrate all of these things or offer them in isolation depending on the needs and requirements of people and offer a unique tailor-made package for an individual when they come in. I sometimes do group sessions to create awareness about the different modalities and how they can help individuals with unique needs. It is an introduction to therapies that they’ve never tried before without having to make that big commitment to a one-on-one session. 

 There was a shift in you from being the person who was a receiver of therapy to someone who is now trained in healing and offering this service to others. Could you tell me a little bit about that process? How did you make that transformation successful? 

That’s a lovely question. I think the first thing that helped me go forward is that we are all storytellers and we learn through stories. But nowadays, we no longer are part of extended families or sit with our family members and our peers and share stories. We have become isolated as individuals. We must share our stories and experiences that are so individual and unique to us, with our children and with friends and family. We are all empowerment coaches in a way, giving them some bit of advice from our learning. 

Before my journey as a coach, there were moments of doubt and insecurity about labelling myself as a coach and healer. But then I remembered something that my teacher had said, about me being what that person needs for this moment and in their life journey. I am that little piece of the puzzle, that gives my clients the courage and the confidence to take that first step. That gives me the impetus to help others. My first client was a 17-year-old boy who had severe anxiety about taking his driver’s license test in the UK. I did a two-hour session with him. He wrote me a letter and I remember the words even now. He thanked me for helping him out and said that though he did not pass the test, he could handle the disappointment with much more confidence than before. He also mentioned how it helped him change as a person and his relationship with his family. 

 To me, that encapsulated, the difference that I could make. It was not just about helping him overcome his anxiety, but about being present and holding space for another human being. 

You talked about dancing and music and sound therapy. So, tell me a little bit about your forays into pole and ballroom dancing.

Dancing is mind over matter and getting over our inhibitions and images we have about ourselves. For the longest time, I’ve been in love with dancing and music and I even did a few ads in my youth. But I put it aside as a mother. I started with Bharatnatyam in Dubai and then I got into ballet when I was a teenager and then Jazz. But as a young wife and mother, I had to park Chikky the dancer and ignore the real me. But I started dancing, once I discovered myself, and permitted me to be who I am. The human body, even though it is flawed, is something one owns and it is fascinating what one can do with it, whether it is yoga or dance.

Pole dancing for me, was a bit rebellious, and it was breaking convention. A 48-year-old mother learning pole dancing was unconventional, but I loved doing it. Also, it was a question of mind over body and I had to prove to myself that I could do it. Also, with pole dancing, it was just me. I did not need a partner; it was that simple. It was very challenging. After my first class, I laughed and asked myself, “Are you kidding?’ But I stuck with it. I was very slow and did it at my own pace. But it gave me this learning, that life need not be a competition, and that I am learning pole for myself, not others. I got better at it and even conquered my fear of inversion on the pole. 

Ballroom dancing is a very expensive hobby. But it gives me a thrill dancing with a partner. My partner and I were on a massive stage during the competition, being judged and competing with other couples. When you get on the stage for the first time, you freeze and you forget your steps, until you regain control of your mind and breathe again. It is a beautiful experience of mind over matter. It was very motivating to dance on the floor and wear those exotic outfits and to let that side of your personality out. There is so much hard work behind it, and anger and frustration as you push yourself.

What are your plans for the future?

I haven’t given it much thought. I want to open a Centre, where people can come and spend time. Since I moved to Dubai, I have had friends and clients come and stay with me. We spent two or three days together, and it made a big difference in their healing journey. If they are going through very painful experiences, I think it is important sometimes to disconnect from everything familiar. When you go to a therapist, a counsellor, or an ayurvedic treatment, it’s very clinical. As a healer, I bring something different to the table. I would like my clients to stay in-house with me and allow me to share the energy that I bring into the process and heal during that time. That is something that I would like to do in the future.

I am very passionate about working with women, especially young mothers who feel unworthy. I want to help them make that shift and point them in the right direction. Also, every time I go to Chennai, I visit my college and have a chat with the young women there. I wish I had some of the tools that I have now, as a young girl. It could have made a lot of difference, if I knew then, what I know now. I don’t have any regrets, but if I did have the opportunities and choices before me, I may have chosen an alternative path. I love to be that conduit to talk to young people to enable them to explore and create awareness about choice and decision making.

What would be your advice to a person, floundering in the dark, not sure about their choices, and hesitant to seek help? What is the first step they need to take?

The first thing they need to understand is that everything happens for a reason. You come to a point, where you are feeling overwhelmed and unhappy, it is time to press on the brakes and ask yourself why this is happening. We upgrade our gadgets and household equipment all the time and yet we are hesitant about upgrading ourselves. What I mean by the upgrade is, asking yourself the right questions about anxiety, confusion, and conflict and getting different answers that help you move forward and get out of a rut. Asking for help is not a vulnerability, but is in fact strength. We want to be the best versions of ourselves and we should not stop ourselves from doing that. It is never too late to change for the better.